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poison & sleep techniques

by passion fanfare

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1.
Listen Up 01:40
hey listen up it's pretty hard to see you getting played for punches it doesn't matter if I'm feeling good these days my fears keep blooming into hunches and if I could see it coming it's a numbing feeling rolling in my bones are made of metal and that makes me strong as anyone I know hey listen up do you believe in aliens and resurrection it doesn't matter if you do 'cause you're objective and you think that protects you but I can see him coming it's a numbing feeling rolling in your bones are just the molding for the mixture he is always pouring in if he's not easy to quit it's not because he gets you it's because you can't tell anyone and that's started to upset you it's easy to get drawn in because it's really important but it never made you anything he just saw you were gullible and normal hey listen up it's pretty hard to see you getting played for punches it doesn't matter if you think you're feeling good my fears keep boiling into hunches and I can see it coming with a numbing feeling rolling in my bones are made of metal and that makes me strong as anyone I know
2.
I'm good enough for Vermont except when I'm not and the sweat of your fevered old brow is the last thing I want and I know I know I know it's all for posterity anyway just kissing and hoping your way to a glorious grave a beggar a liar for richer for poorer a thief just chasing your laces and dreaming in search of relief to shower for hours is fine but I wasn't brought up that way you'll radically coddle yourself to a glorious grave lying still is not a revolution even though you look good on the ground for richer for poorer in sickness except when I'm sad which is more and more often these days so I'm watching my back your retreat is as neat as the subtleties of your approach I see the direction you're set on I don't have to watch how you go lying still is not a revolution yeah I know you look good on the ground are you good enough for Vermont?
3.
your mother was a surfer I really hate your heart I'll get up in the morning to feed pieces to the sharks I see the dead seals coming up to find you I see the dead face coming up to find me your daughter is a surfer she really loves the sand you could bury her up to her neck let her dig out with her hands and see the dead seals coming up to find you and see the dead face coming up to find her one day I'll be a mother I'll eat my children's hearts take their skin off in one piece and feed it to the sharks I see the dead seals coming up to find me I see the dead face coming up to find them I see the dead seals coming up to find me I see the dead face coming up to find them
4.
if you put me back into orbit pull me down from where I was flopping and choking you could have me eating out of your hand at the control center seated at my arcade don't care if I don't ever get to update my hit parade what matters is I'm gonna be fine breathe deeply get back on my axis quit smoking with endless practice boys have consciences they always develop consciences boys have consciences sometimes I can't abide them and I hate women as much as you do I don't mind screwing them over all combed and trusting they don't see me crawling on back to you over and over I'll keep living while you keep getting better throw me away like your faded out sweater and I know I know it's all out of love but the control center seated at my console I'll block all your bruises set all your movements on real fucking slow breathe deeply get back on my axis quit smoking that endless practice
5.
St. George 01:42
you're like a saint like a saint to me you're like a saint with a brain disease St. George you clean old whore no more than I deserve you're like a bird in a Mason jar but a sword in my gut won't get you far St. George I know the score and this death is what I was made for I'm gonna eat the girl you love when she's passed out cold it's better in the dark it's better with the power out it's better from behind it's better when you're crying out St. George you clean old whore come stick me with your sword if you set me on fire I'll set you on fire you're like a saint like a saint to me oh I need a saint like a brain disease St. George you mean old thing now I don't have anything I'm gonna eat the girl you love when she's passed out cold I'm gonna eat all those girls you love when you're passed out drunk
6.
it's a credit to me not to you that I'm doing better I can function through panic, the flu, and unusual weather I let it all roll off me (do do do do) I let it all roll off me (no thanks to you) it's a credit to me not to you that I never exploded all the trials that you put me through, well, I've been fully loaded I let it all roll off me (de de de de) I let it all roll off me (that's all down to me) so won't you please roll off me? 'cause I've been dropping it for years which doesn't matter but every time I'm so patient I think I'm sadder 'cause I can't leave it behind like does that seem right that it's all out of your mind and I still have to fight like, oh, would you please roll off me? could you please roll off me? won't you please roll off me?
7.
I just don't care I really tried to care for years but it all just ran out on me one day it all just ran out on me there was a big heart attack I really wish that I was sorry but wishing won't change a thing won't change a thing and I know you were cold when I turned down the heat but I was sweating so hard that I couldn't see and you can't put a sweater on a panic attack oh no you can't put a sweater on a panic attack would you just grow up 'cause I want nothing to defend and no matter what I try to keep you pull it out of me in the end I'm getting really nervous I'd be doing it today but I'll just keep it to myself 'cause you need me to be okay turns out you can put a sweater on a panic attack oh yeah you can put a sweater and it's good to the last drop and I know you were cold when I turned down the heat but I was sweating so hard that I couldn't see and you can't put a sweater on a panic attack oh no you can't put a sweater on a panic attack I'm so fucking sorry if I ever caused you grief but baby I quit you can't fire me turns out you can't put a sweater on my stuttering hip oh no you can't put a sweater on my stuttering hip and one day it's gonna come out of it's socket
8.
I try to avoid saying this out loud but if I were you I'd know that I could never make anyone proud and I don't forgive you I visualize the accidents of psychiatry students and television personalities they're becoming a larger part of the automobile's engineering I dreamt of other accidents I don't forgive you for what I would give you because I visualize the accidents of high school dropouts and one man corporations I visualize those accidents because I want you all to myself I visualize the accidents that will result when I take my foot off the clutch I don't forgive you I would not forgive myself for all the accidents that will result when I take my foot off the clutch I don't forgive you I will not forgive myself I dreamt of other accidents I don't forgive you
9.
I know you don't want me here I am the hobgoblin of little minds I am the hobgoblin of your life you were prepared then I showed up I waltzed in when you were getting cleaned up I am the hobgoblin of little hearts the kind that last a few hours before falling apart 'cause they know they're not wanted here you closed up the cracks in the ceiling we came through the floor you closed up the cracks in the universe we found one more you looked me up you scoped me out you read up on me and found out what I'm all about you'll turn around one night and slump in defeat we're racing toward you on a hundred little feet I know you you little shit I know all about you you piece of shit I fucking know you you little freak I know you don't want me here I know you don't want me around you blocked off the whole sky and I came in I came in up from the ground
10.
if cleanliness is next to Godliness I'm living in hell don't think you have it all figured out you don't know me that well I get smarter when I'm working lose my head when I'm at home I get stupid around people but I won't be alone and the ways I would have hurt you would have been so complicated don't think you understand the way my edges are serrated I know it's smart to try and stay the way you are but I can't be alone running away to Seattle running away to Glasgow running away to Leeds so I can hate everyone I know I looked better on my first day I'm smarter on planes I feel decent in the morning till you rot my brain and the face I would have showed you would have been so fucking pretty I didn't even want you I just really hate this city and I know it's smart to try and live the way you feel but I can't live alone
11.
you're a champ you're a star but I want to kick you apart I want the most painful things you are you're the only one you know you could have found me years ago when I was younger it would probably have worked you used to have so many rules about how I was supposed to talk to you you used to have so many rules about how I was allowed to talk to you but I can tell you're falling apart I hear it in your voice when you're going to sleep and you stutter, you never stuttered before you think you know me and you no longer do and that's the saddest part of knowing you you think you have me and you no longer can because I left the ranks of your shrinking fanbase a while back you're a champ you're a star but I'm aware that I can break you apart 'cause I've got the most painful things you are
12.
I love the sound of your fear hard hearted woman I love the smell of your sweat when you cry in my arms it shouldn't be that the only thing to comfort me keep me slogging through this endless misery is your socks in your shoes your room in the dark your face when you start to shatter your socks in your shoes your room in the dark the smell of your sweat makes this cramp in my heart and I love the sound of your fear I love your intake of breath when I come up behind you oh there's this crush in my skull when you cry in my arms it shouldn't be that the only thing to comfort me keep me slogging through this endless misery is your socks in your shoes your room in the dark your face when you start to shatter your socks in your shoes your room in the dark the smell of your sweat makes this cramp in my heart and I love the sound of your fear (all together now) you always loved the sound of my gun
13.
you turn me on casually when you're thinking I don't know that you're sneaking up behind me a machine gun in your grip I don't know where this is supposed to go but I know it ends with me in the trunk of a car I don't know where this is supposed to go but I know it ends with your usually broken heart you turn me on nastily with a kind of studied slowness I always think I'm faster than you but I run into a circle I don't know where this is supposed to go but I know it ends with me hanging by my shoelaces I don't know where this is supposed to go but I know it ends with your usually broken heart you turn me on casually when you're thinking I don't know that you're sneaking up behind me with the delicate button of an atomic bomb I don't know where this is supposed to go but I know it ends with me hauled in for questioning I don't know where this is supposed to go but I know it ends with your perpetually broken heart, and I love it
14.
you have the right look on your face and I have the wrong one and you know how to put me back in space and you are the strong one but I just think you're made of garbage all the time I just think you're made of garbage and you are the only one I see I can handle that better crush my eyeballs between my teeth and wrap my wounds in a sweater I just think you're made of garbage all the time and I can't always look at garbage like how beautiful do you think you are your hairy legs your werewolf scars there must be something warm and moving to cauterize your self destruction
15.
Subtle 02:10
you piece of shit I'll never be as subtle as you are you don't recall half of the words you used to break my heart but I will stay up all night long and take your speech apart I will look up all the bylaws I need to destroy you I'll be the last thing that you see if I can see this through but oh you're the only one I know you piece of shit you'll never be as subtle as you were you don't recall half of the words you used to break my heart so I will turn into all your other girlfriends I will turn into all your other friends to the end you think I'm good you piece of shit you'll never be as subtle as I am
16.
turn off the radiator that is clanking all night long pick up your pins and needles 'cause this is a glory song turn off the sin and rancor that is burning in your heart because it tears, you know it tears, it tears his ears apart turn off the pins and needles that are prickling through the ground turn off your endless keening and emit a glory sound all bloody sick and lonely I have let myself get weak I need to change, I need to change, I need to change my sheets oh God, I wasn't kind or rational oh God, I couldn't make it good oh God, I wasn't kind or rational couldn't love you the way I said I would what if my neighbor teaches me I don't need light or sound and soon with gentle mentoring my senses all shut down what if my neighbor strings me up and no one comes to help I have to love, I have to love my neighbor as myself so God, I wasn't kind or rational oh God, I couldn't make it good oh God, I wasn't kind or rational couldn't love you the way I said I would soon with gentle mentoring my senses will shut down I'll stay real quiet and patient when you put me in the ground I'm going down and when I look up at you you are curiously unlined I have to love my neighbor but my neighbor changed my mind I have to change you have to change my mind
17.
Listen Up #2 02:16
yeah I don't really like touch it just seems unnecessary like footsteps that are threatening and traffic that is really screams the shape that rises up from underneath things 'cause I can feel the patterns and I cannot make my body stop believing and I'm trying to accept the placid meaning the surface that the world is wearing shooting toward my eyelids and I'm trying but it fails and I'm still catching on edges shocking out of sleep half building door connections and in light of all the garbage I am really glad it's true that the last person who really touched me was you yeah I don't really like sex it just seems unnecessary it's an easy way to help somebody start pulling your strings did I cut off my nose to spite my face or did I chew off my leg to get out of the trap she built for me with kindness and I'm trying to pull up some old reactions but I always get real wounded by the things that give me traction you would tell me it all has some deeper meaning but there's nothing good can come of it it's just another way to stop you[']r[e] breathing on my shoulder and I'm really glad it's true that the last person who really touched me was you hey listen up it's really hard to see you pulling all your punches it doesn't matter 'cause you think that it's your job to chew and swallow all my hunches guess I should have seen it coming with the numbing fog that's rolling in your structure was degraded from the bullshit you are always letting in I'd be trying to pull up some old reaction but you always get so wounded by the things that turn you on you would tell me that it has a deeper meaning but the truth is I came into this with lots and lots of ways to screw you over and I'm sorry but I'm really glad it's true that the last person who really touched me was you

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released December 19, 2016

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passion fanfare San Francisco, California

always give up
always surrender

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