1. |
Why Don't You Choke
02:26
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So we stayed up late, you were praying hard
That my wits would slow, that I'd get tired
And I was really drunk but that made it worse
I said "Cut and run, don't stay the course
"You're a stupid boy, the test says you're smart
But you're still a boy and nobody wants your heart."
So we stayed up late and I do not pray
I know God thinks I'm worse every day
I want her so much, I'm too proud to plead
But she caught on anyway, she said "You need to leave"
I'm a stupid girl, teachers say I'm smart
But I'm just like anyone and nobody wants my heart.
So we stayed up late, we were praying hard
That our wits would slow, we were so tired
And I'm really drunk, I don't want this stuff
But I am too lonely, and you are fast enough
I'm a stupid kid, my dad says I'm smart
But I'm just like everyone and nobody wants my heart
Except for you, and I want no part of you
There's nothing I won't do to never be with you
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2. |
The Fox Under My Shirt
02:06
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I hurt myself when I am tired
I hurt myself when I am tired, okay
And my love's not for the broken-hearted, it's for the Spartans, fox under my shirt
I was never going to feed you
I thought you'd figured that out by now
I made you better
You were an inconvenience before
What, baby, please don't be like this
You're bleeding all over the ground
I am not the boxes and bottles
That held you before
I hurt myself when I am tired and I am tired
I hurt myself when I am tired and I am tired, okay
The fox under my shirt's always clawing, it's always clawing, and I am falling
The fox under my shirt's always clawing, I'm glad it worked out this way
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3. |
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Francisco Hernandez, you're my hero
You rode the subway from one to zero
When police officers and teachers are gone and dead
I hope all your favorite images are still buzzing in your head.
Like trains in the night you will find yourself all right
Deep underground where you are safe and sound
And no one looks at you 'cause they're going somewhere too
And the map in your lap is the only place you've found to be loved
Francisco Hernandez, stay in school
Redeem yourself with genius, holy fool
And even if you make the cut, there's nothing there for you
When you're spastic and it's serious they won't know what to do
So take off and fly in the shuttle in the sky
The mess in the dirt, the quilt that is the earth
The peanuts and the wings on your lapel, all the things
That hold you to yourself when your mind is smashing through the sun
(No one really cares about people and the world and after a while you will stop feeling anything as you flutter through the earth on the wings of a train and no one looks at you because you are lost in space.)
It isn't funny 'cause it's sad
It's funny because no one's mad at you now
Take off your sneakers, leave them on the kitchen floor
And wrap yourself in sheets
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4. |
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I kissed someone who's normal now
Fuck this
I slept in your bed, I played with your hair
You let me try your glasses on and borrow your underwear
So fuck this
I thought we'd be alone together forever
I thought we'd be alone forever together
True love's as far from me as death and taxes
Don't you recall watching TV and taking muscle relaxants
With me, I can't believe
I kissed someone who's normal now
Fuck this
You held my hand and told me about your mom
I thought you were somebody I could rely on
But I'm still in special ed, jerking off at 3 AM
And some girl has a boyfriend but I lost my best friend
So fuck you, fuck this, fuck all this shit
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5. |
The Half of It
02:00
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So I don't think it's easy to be me but I also don't think it's easy to be you 'cause we live on a planet where everybody wants us to pretend we're human and we cry, but just stop kidding yourself, I know you laughed when all those people died.
It's hard to be the only one of you, I know, I know it too, the lines inside your wrists and all the pages in your pockets. It will be different when I'm older, better when I'm smarter, but okay, let's just fuck up now and bite my mouth to keep from starting.
The half of it
And you don't know the half of it
And you will be lonely for a while, but I will take your hand in mine, put it in my pocket with the money I don't recognize and the keys I bought at flea markets when I was twelve and slammed boys into the walls and never got caught 'cause I'm small.
Let's go live under the bridge where Quentin Compson died, threw himself into the water when he'd had enough of time. I wish that we could see him. We could try to make him smile, if he only knew that girls in school would swoon over his frothing lines.
To say to you
Nothing I say will ever make it okay for you
To say to you
'Cause I know you can never escape
Quentin, hold on
We love you like anything
Be strong
You're everything to me
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6. |
Done
01:53
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I love You but I hate what You've made of Yourself
I love You but I hate what You've made of Yourself
The road to salvation is as narrow as shit and you're not invited to any of it.
The road to salvation is as narrow as shit and you're not invited.
If I could love You, I'd still hate what I've done to myself for You.
And I could love you it wouldn't be enough to keep me hanging
Onto the rafters in the sweet hereafter where it's always waiting, always fading
Never bruising, never losing, but it doesn't matter because I'm not going.
If the road to salvation is as narrow as shit, then I don't want it, any of it.
If the road to salvation is narrow as shit, then I don't want it.
If the road to damnation is as easy as shit, then go on, touch me, I just might want it.
If the road to salvation is as narrow as shit, then I don't want it.
If I can love You while I hate what You've made of Yourself
If I can't love You does it mean that I'm done with this place
If You could love me and You hate what I've done to myself
If You can love me, then I guess it's an awful waste.
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7. |
Cityscape
02:50
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I want to have sex with someone who's impressed, someone who's not smarter than me
And how many girls in the world can say they're not smarter than me?
It's a mission, I will find her if it takes me a year and a day
I'll take her places she can't come back from, and then I'll vanish away
And oh, baby, I'm sorry that I left you to grow up alone
But tell me you don't have some trussed-up boy under your comforter at home
Tell me you don't still see me, tell me I'm not still bright
Maybe not like a car or a cityscape, but like Pluto or a flashlight
'Cause you know I'll be here
(I will be here, I know you all the way down)
I'm still here
(I live inside you)
I live in the gaps between your teeth and the gaps in your history
(the lines in your pocket and the whiskey on your breath)
And we'll have a fire alarm and I will pull you out
We'll emerge choking on the scene, only us
We are here, we were gone, don't be gone again
Not now that I have my ducks in a row and I'm ready to be your friend
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8. |
Nonstandard
03:07
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You are nonstandard and I love you for it
You are my dream, you are the things I can't believe
You are nonstandard and I love you for it
You are my dream, you are the things I haven't seen
Drive me away from here in your car
I wish I could possess your boundless rage
It shakes from place to place inside your frame
It sneaks up on me like the Holy Ghost
Breaking me apart when I need it the most
Drive me away from here in your car
What do I do now, where do I go now
Someone like you can always put down roots and thrive
I've never boiled past my boiling point
I should have figured out by now that you can't drive
Drive me away from here in your car
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9. |
People in Trouble
01:12
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Oh my beautiful boy, you are a mess, you are a mess
And oh my beautiful boy, you are a mess, you're such a mess
You pick up the phone when I call, but that's all, it really makes me sore
'Cause you only care about people in trouble and that's not who I am anymore
And oh my beautiful boy, you are a dream, you are a dream
And oh my unstoppable heart, another gift I didn't need
And I just have one thing to tell you, I'm not as upset as you think
Because I don't care about people in trouble and that's all that you are to me
I don't care about people in trouble and that's all that you'll ever be.
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10. |
This Is Not a War Wound
01:43
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so you are the darkness
you are the shade
and I was waiting
there was the blade
I was under
stairs and roofs
and you were holding me
under the blue
hell is fire, love is leaves
orange and yellow on old trees
and I waited, there was the bus
the lights on the cars glowing through the slush
I am falling, not fast enough
if it is snowing, there is love
and I want it always, my friend holds you
in the light in his hands and I want it too
I want you
I want it too
change my color, change my shade
make me new in the badge of false faith
I'll wear it always when I fight
with the knife in my hands and it feels so right
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